CrapBag Lives! (Most of the Time)

Let the world rejoice: I am still alive. And stoma free. And back at home, released from my sentence at Mt. Sinai hospital, with its lovely IVs, medications and the constant walking, walking, walking…  And if I’m honest, no bag makes Ang very happy. No worry about leaks, no fear about people noticing the bag through my clothes and no frustrating and time-consuming changes. Life is grand, right? Well, it was for the first couple of days. I was feeling great through a combination of really good drugs (go narco-pistol!), having the ostomy actually gone and being relatively pain-free and mobile because the incision was really minor. So, the first day I was out of bed and starting my lovely routine of wake up, walk, sleep, walk, sleep, walk, babble incoherently to my friends and family, and pass out for the night. And it was good, really good… for about three days. And then I came off my clear fluids diet and was encouraged to eat what is known as a “low residue” diet – no fruits, no veggies, no nuts or seeds, nothing that will potentially get stuck while the swelling in my innards calms down.  So, I affectionately refer to the “low residue” diet as the Carbs, Carbs and more Carbs diet. I know, I know… what a terrible life I lead! When everyone else is stressed about going into the holiday season and laying off the carbs to fit into their New Year's outfits, I am told to lay off everything healthy and stick to what’s bad for me.

Anyway, this particular incarnation of the CC and more C diet did not agree with me and my new plumbing…in short, my body became angry and has stayed angry for the last three and a half weeks. To be honest, I didn’t really think much about the time beyond the surgery. And I probably should have because it has been pretty rough: a lot of pain, more weight loss, 15 + trips to the bathroom a day… and, did I mention the pain? But, I have high hopes that the four week mark (in two very short days) will bring some change for the better… and if not, I fear they may soon find my frozen body submerged in a snowdrift after I unsuccessfully tried to put out the fire in my ass. Stay tuned! And really: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone.